Relationships Stand the Test of COVID-19
Olivia Lyda泭is a communication student in the College of Media, Communication and Information at 窪蹋勛圖. This story was written as part of a package of reporting on COVID-19 by students in Assistant Professor Christine Larson's class, Writing for the Media. All stories have been lightly edited for style and updated based on new information.泭
After a 16-hour shift at Beaver County Jail, Brian Nowalk, 23, comes home to his fianc矇, Ashley Grady, who has been at home doing online classes for her cosmetology degree. With stay-at-home orders classifying Nowalk as an essential worker, his 60-hour workweeks have surprisingly泭added to their relationship during this difficult time.
Before quarantine, there would be weeks where Id only see him when we were going to bed. But with his days off and me now being home all day, this stay-at-home order has been positive for us, said Grady, 21.
According to a recent study by , over 40% of couples reported spending at least 20 additional hours together each week due to social distancing guidelines in the U.S.泭Based on that information, you might泭think that couples living together 24/7 would report quarantine quarrels. However, young couplesengaged and dating alikeare reporting positive aspects of being quarantined together.
Tawna Loutsenhizer, a therapist who's been virtually counseling couples during social distancing, noticed these positive trends in all types of relationships, she said, adding that couples泭are finding new tools to further connect. 泭that these shared rituals lead to stronger relationships, and during the泭national stay-at-home order, couples had plenty of time泭to cultivate hobbies together.
Katelyn Westfall, 34, and her boyfriend, Matthew Kocek, 38, found joy being quarantined together for this reason. After being laid off in both their fitness and restaurant professions in Boulder, Colorado, Westfall and Kocek found more time to connect and grow closer, Westfall said.泭
Weve been trying to work out and hike together as much as we can, she said. Its been pretty fantastic for us.
However, social distancing has also added泭obstacles for some couples to overcome. LemLem Gayeem, 19, and her girlfriend Victoria Keibler, 18, have worked to find ways to continue their rituals while quarantining in different areas of Pennsylvania. The couple, who'd been together at Washington and Jefferson College for 6 months, had to learn to adjust to the distance between them, Gayeem said.
Sometimes we watch a movie together, but a lot of our time is spent on FaceTime, she泭said. Just someone being there, even if theyre quiet over the phone, makes us feel better.
Even couples with more long-term relationships are experiencing closeness through ritual. Nowalk and Grady, who are coming up on seven years together, have learned even more about each other during quarantine. The engaged couple implemented game nights, said Grady, to have something to look forward to.
Quarantine has really given us the time to think about and work on our connection, Grady said. And with The Knot reporting that 68% of engaged couples are making emotional connection a priority since quarantine, couples nationwide have grown together during this time.
While many engaged couples like Grady and Norwalk are reporting closer relationships, so are less committed, shorter-term couples. Westfall and Kocek planned on moving in together in August after 10 months of dating, then, their plans got interrupted.泭
Its been an interesting experiment, Westfall said, as they, too, have learned new tools together.泭Ironically, one of those tools is increasing their own social distance from each other when necessary.
I have bipolar disorder, and weve had a lot of conversations about my mood fluctuations and anxiety, Westfall said. Sometimes that means him going into the other room for a few hours.
In a time where everything is uncertain, some couples future plans are being put on hold until further notice. In addition, many couples are experiencing stress and anxiety together. According to The Knot, 71% of engaged couples experience increased anxiety during quarantine, despite the other positive aspects泭of sheltering together. Loutsenhizer noticed that a majority of couples reported泭a lot of fear surrounding what is going to happen next, and if they are taking the right steps,泭she said.
Madeline Denko, 18, and her boyfriend of six泭months have泭battled daily bouts of anxiety as a couple, she said.
I am immunocompromised, so even when everything opens back up, its not safe for me to leave the house, Denko said.
Denko and Ethan Zeis-Miller, 20, currently live together at his parents house. The two spend the majority of their time in a single room, Denko said, which has made it泭quite difficult to create space from one another.
Its definitely little things that set us off, Denko said. Ill freak out and have all day to blow it out of proportion. But were working on it.
While the anxiety of quarantining together can create泭tension among couples, it can also strengthen泭relationship bonds. Evaristo Gomez, 21, and his partner, Enoc Martinez, 32, have experienced this anxiety together, just as they have experienced many losses in the last two months, Gomez said.
Towards泭the beginning of quarantine, my grandmother passed away. I do not believe I would have been as okay as I am now without my partner, he said. The couple have been together for nearly two-and-a-half years.
This unprecedented time pushes couples to take a leap of faith together, or separately. But according to Loutsenhizer, this seems to be creating stronger bonds.
Excuses have gone away at this point, Loutsenhizer said. Were forced to look and work at the core issues, which are usually something deeper.
Photo by泭泭款娶棗鳥泭